Our dating expert Elizabeth talks about managing expectations…
Many of us have been influenced by the media growing up – as children we listen to fairy stories like Cinderella, we watch movies like Pretty Woman, we listen to love songs. We can also be influenced by our family’s expectations, and by our friends so that, as we grow up many of us have a picture in our mind of an ideal partner…
One of my client’s Sabrina’s situation, was that she was constantly rejecting men. She was super clear on what she was looking for…someone who was 6 foot 2 plus, dark, very good looking, a rugby player type, with a very high income. After we worked together she became more open, because she realized she never met anyone who was exactly her type.
And often these types don’t even really exist except in our imagination or in films or magazines, and can prevent us meeting a real person we can be happy with. Or you may meet this person and the reality may be different from what you think it will be, they may not want a relationship, they may or may not treat you how you want to be treated. Sabrina is now happily married, to a tall, attractive man with a good income and they get on really well together.
Often we have many expectations about our ideal partner, not only that that they will look a certain way, be a certain type, but that they will behave in a certain way right from the beginning.
We go on a date and we think I need this to happen on a first date and I need that to happen on a second date. I need to feel this on a first date and I need this to happen and we have all these rules about what needs to happen for this to be the “right person”. Whereas when we are at school and we are 7 we make friends and we hang out and sometimes a really great friendship or relationship happens and it happens when we didn’t have any expectations.
One of my clients Helen wasn’t happy when one of her dates would text her as much as call her, (she much preferred phone calls in the early days of dating). He was a doctor and extremely busy, and as they got to know each other and understand each other better he would call more and she became more comfortable with his texts.
What are your dating expectations? And are they bringing you the happiness you want?