Most creatures choose a mate based on two factors: the ability to procreate and the possession of a pulse.
Humans are obviously a lot more complicated; we tend to screw up by putting too much weight on appearance and spark. In fact, if you value attractiveness when looking for a good partner, you’ll go on too many dates for the wrong reasons. If you’re not good at screening out the beauty-and lust-struck, you’ll end up wasting a lot of time.
Sure, you’ll have hot dates and passionate encounters, but you’ll be distracted from looking for the qualities that make a good partner. Couples bound by mutual chemistry can be blind to the fact that the relationship lacks qualities necessary for a partnership and enables red-flag behaviors that no partnership can survive.
So attractiveness and chemistry may be good for generating hot affairs and cool couples, but they’re also good for driving up the divorce rate.
If you’re looking for a partner, look beyond attraction, figure out what qualities of character and personality you require, and be ready to ignore strong attraction if those qualities aren’t there. No matter how hot the package or interpersonal sizzle, remember what you’ve learned about what spoils a relationship, no matter how much you are tempted.
Since you’ve probably read a landfill’s worth of magazine articles on how to be more attractive or get the other person to like you more, and they haven’t improved your own love life, it’s time for a new strategy.
Learn how to define what you’re looking for, focus your appeal in a way that shows your strengths, and conduct an efficient search for a partner who won’t wear you out or waste your time.
If you want bliss and romance and instant chemical attraction, this strategy won’t work. If you want a partnership that’s as solid as a swan’s and won’t end in divorce, we can help.
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