The State of Dating in the UK


29 is the average age in the Uk to get married

15 million people in the UK are currently estimated to be single.

Half of these people are looking for a long-term relationship.

75% of them have not had a relationship for more than 18 months.

4 is the average number of dates each of them will have in one year.

43% of people Google their first date before they meet them.

Lambeth in south London has the UK’s highest percentage of single people.

One-third of online dating users admit to lying in their profile.

88% of women aren’t bothered by baldness in a man.

3% of those looking for a serious relationship will send a follow-up text immediately after a first date.


4 Crucial Questions to ask a Matchmaker…

Elan London. matchmaker in londonDid you know that Matchmaking, that beautiful art of placing two people together successfully, has been established for quite some time?  Here is a great article on the History of Matchmaking

Here in London, Matchmakers or Introduction Agencies as they were known, have been matching like-minded people since the 1930’s.  In those days, eligible ladies and gentlemen from a certain sociatal strata would be matched, mainly based on child bearing age, titles and social standing. Ahem.

Now, of course, the world of personal matchmaking is available to most people. There are agencies to suit everyone.  Here at Elan London, our clients tend to be educated, successful, senior professionals from all industries.  They see matchmaking as an effective and intelligent way to meet the right sort of person. People like them.  They are busy and appreciate that time is a finite resource. That’s why they engage a matchmaker.

So, if the world of professional matchmaking is not familiar to you, what should you ask?

 

How long have you been matching people?  This is super important and although longevity in a business does not equate to success, it does mean that the agency is established and not some fly-by-night who will be gone tomorrow.

Are you a member of the Association of British Introduction Agencies? This is an organisation set up through government suggestion.  It is not easy to become a member. All members are checked for longevity, a proven, successful matchmaking model and adhere to a strict code of conduct. Please be careful about engaging an agency who is not a member.

Do you guarantee a certain amount of matches?  Most reputable agencies will tell you how many people you can expect to meet. Be mindful though that personal matchmaking is very different to online dating. It is very much quality over quantity. Obviously, if you would like a large amount of people to date, and you are happy to screen people and have the time, online dating would be the way to go.

What sort of people do you have in your membership?  A great question and one you should always ask to see if it is worth meeting a particular matchmaker.  Sometimes agencies tend to attract a certain type of person. Are they the sort of person you are looking to meet? Here at Elan London, we tend to attract educated senior professionals.  People who are usually fit and enjoy looking after themselves, people who very much enjoy travel and trying new things. They are attractive, personable and good to be around. If we don’t enjoy meeting someone, we don’t invite them to membership. We have probably met people from every professional occupation and also from every nationality. London is obviously very cosmopolitan and our agency reflects that.

We hope this helps in your search for the perfect Matchmaking Agency for you.

We would absolutely love to chat to you about our service, so please do get in touch.

Contact Us


Are you the one for Elon Musk?

Elon Musk: ‘I’m looking for love but it’s hard to meet people’

He’s the billionaire owner of Tesla who has just launched a rocket into space — but all he really wants is to find a girlfriend..

Matchmaking for Elon Musk

Last year Elon Musk was at a photoshoot for Rolling Stone magazine and a stylist asked him to wear a black turtleneck. He refused, forcefully. “If I was dying and I had a turtleneck on,” he said, “with my last dying breath I would take the turtleneck off and try to throw it as far away from my body as possible.”  Read the full story HERE

To find out how we can help you meet your ‘Mr Rocket’…

Contact Us


Anatomy of Love

Our favourite anthropologist, Helen Fisher on the Anatomy of Love


Why We Love, Why We Cheat.

Anthropologist Helen Fisher takes on a tricky topic – love – and explains its evolution, its biochemical foundations and its social importance.


The Brain in Love

Dr Helen Fisher gives a TED talk on why we crave love so much, even to the point that we would die for it? To learn more about our very real, very physical need for romantic love, Helen Fisher and her research team took MRIs of people in love — and people who had just been dumped.


Have Daters Become Too Picky in Big Cities?

matchmaking servicesIn an article in the Guardian today, Katy Guest writes that people who read are better lovers – now that’s great news for you who have a book on the go at all times! Apparently heavy reading increases empathy and on dating sites, it makes a user more likely to choose the profile that says ‘reading’ on their hobbies. In a way it does make sense – most of us are attracted to people who are intellectually stimulated, who enjoy learning and spending their time in a way that enhances brain activity and creativity.

In dating there are so many elements people are looking for in a prospective partner and I believe that in London, the requirement list is longer than some other areas – we have so much choice here and so many different types of dating services from apps, to online dating to pop-up dinner dating to personal introduction agencies. In London we have the crème of the crop, and yet more and more people find themselves single in cities such as London.
Why is that? What has happened to the dating scene in big cities? Have people become so confused by all the choice that they don’t really know what they want anymore? I would argue that is very close to reality. Having worked in the dating industry for many years now, I’ve seen a shift from more traditional dating to something completely new and contemporary; it’s almost like dating on the go –  where no-one is in a hurry to actually find someone but just keeps on looking until something outstanding comes along. The question is; is that the unicorn everyone is chasing? Does it exist? Sadly no, no one is completely perfect.

At Elan London we offer a VIP service to all our clients – we provide professional guidance, coaching and matchmaking. Our approach is very organic and tailor-made for each individual. We want the London dating scene to be full of happy, confident and secure daters!

 

We can provide a very personalised service for you, we can help you get over  ‘dating fatique’ or any confusion you may have after experiences with online dating or apps. We will create a positive, encouraging and pro-active dating strategy for you. If you’d like to know more, I would love to have a chat with you!
Miia Koponen
Senior Consultant, Coach and Matchmaker

 


Welcome to Miia!

The latest addition to our team, Miia Koponen tells us about her journey to Elan London…

matchmakerWhen I first started working in the Matchmaking industry I thought it was a bit bonkers: people really letting someone else choose their partner? I was young and carefree and easily met partner candidates (alas not always that suitable!). So to me, it did seem a bit unusual indeed. I had however, always had an interest in human interaction, the psychology of romance and how people choose their partners so from that perspective, I was landing a perfect job!

For the past eleven years I worked for a very established introduction agency in London and learned the ins and outs of matching, people’s quirks when it comes to dating and how for some people, finding a partner was just another (very important) box they wanted to tick in their lives. I worked alongside some amazing people whose background ranged from psychotherapy to running a photography business. I was lucky to have many mentors during my time at my first matchmaking agency.

For the past few years I was the most senior and most experienced consultant at that place and my feet were itching – I wanted a new challenge and a new opportunity. When the company was taken over by a new owner I was ready to move on. I knew it would be well looked after by the team and the new owner and I handed in my resignation.

I knew I loved matchmaking, helping people in one of their most important and sensitive areas of their lives and I would have been keen to stay within the industry but I also knew that opportunities very rarely arose as it was a small industry. I contacted one agency – a same sex matchmaking company – I knew of who sadly didn’t have any opportunities. I started thinking of other options and went on to have couple of interviews for recruiter positions – matchmakers and recruiters have quite a lot of transferrable skills! However, recruitment just didn’t feel right. I then saw Elan London advertising a Senior Consultant position and couldn’t actually believe it – I applied straight away and was invited for an interview by Tina Bradley who owns Elan. The interview went well and a little while after Tina offered me the position – I was thrilled!

I’m just coming to an end of my first month at Elan and I thoroughly enjoy it. I have started working with some incredible clients and am looking forward to be able to introduce them to some equally amazing matches whilst guiding, coaching and mentoring them along the way. What I really like about Elan is that Tina trusts my experience and expertise with clients and although am very much guided and mentored by her, I also have my independence and my own style of working with the clients. I seem to have much more time and energy to give to my clients now, than I ever did in my previous role. We really care about our clients at Elan London!

 


What you think you want is sometimes not what you need…

Most creatures choose a mate based on two factors: the ability to procreate and the possession of a pulse.

matchmaker reviewsHumans are obviously a lot more complicated; we tend to screw up by putting too much weight on appearance and spark. In fact, if you value attractiveness when looking for a good partner, you’ll go on too many dates for the wrong reasons. If you’re not good at screening out the beauty-and lust-struck, you’ll end up wasting a lot of time.

Sure, you’ll have hot dates and passionate encounters, but you’ll be distracted from looking for the qualities that make a good partner. Couples bound by mutual chemistry can be blind to the fact that the relationship lacks qualities necessary for a partnership and enables red-flag behaviors that no partnership can survive.

So attractiveness and chemistry may be good for generating hot affairs and cool couples, but they’re also good for driving up the divorce rate.

If you’re looking for a partner, look beyond attraction, figure out what qualities of character and personality you require, and be ready to ignore strong attraction if those qualities aren’t there. No matter how hot the package or interpersonal sizzle, remember what you’ve learned about what spoils a relationship, no matter how much you are tempted.

Since you’ve probably read a landfill’s worth of magazine articles on how to be more attractive or get the other person to like you more, and they haven’t improved your own love life, it’s time for a new strategy.

Learn how to define what you’re looking for, focus your appeal in a way that shows your strengths, and conduct an efficient search for a partner who won’t wear you out or waste your time.

If you want bliss and romance and instant chemical attraction, this strategy won’t work. If you want a partnership that’s as solid as a swan’s and won’t end in divorce, we can help.


Are you addicted to online dating?

London SinglesIt seems that many people are attracted to online dating. It is not surprising that it has become hugely popular in recent times; suddenly having people messaging and arranging potential dates can be quite exciting. Addictive in fact.

For the main part, most people tend to go onto online dating sites to find a life partner and then get off the site quickly, sometimes never to return. There are some however, who find that being on the site is actually more exciting than the prospective of finding true love. They become obsessed with logging on and reviewing their emails. The time they spend online increases and starts to revolve around several dating sites. Conversely they start spending less time with their friends off the site in case they miss an important message from someone on the dating site.

How can you tell if you are addicted to online dating?

So how do you know if you might be addicted to online dating? If you can answer yes to any of the following you may have a problem:

  • You log on to your online dating sites as soon as you get home from work.
  • You spend most of your free time in front of your computer so that you do not miss any messages.
  • You are spending more and more time logged onto your dating site, going to bed later and this is affecting your day.
  • You get annoyed or irritated if you do not get any messages.
  • You start to check on past dates to see whether they are still active on the site.
  • You start to see the same people on different dating sites.

So why is it that some people become addicted to the endless chase of many different loves?

Why do people become addicted to online dating?

With online dating you immediately enter into a world of never-ending choices. New people sign up every day, you can peruse your options as often as you like and keep change the characteristics of the person you are looking for.

However, having so many options available can make it nigh on impossible to focus on the person who is sat in front of you at that very moment. In your mind you are always elsewhere, wondering if you could get someone a little better, someone who may be more suited to you, or with a more fun outlook. But that person could be on the date with you right now. Because you are not present in that moment, you are thinking about logging online and messaging someone new, you could miss a real opportunity to connect with them.

The problem is that it is very much human instinct to be curious and adventurous, I mean, why settle for just one when you can try out a whole range of opportunities?

Whilst in some areas of our lives it is fantastic to have several options available to us. However, when the important element is the search and not the end result that is the driving force in our quest, we then have a problem.

It is perfectly acceptable to realise there are certain features in a prospective partner that we won’t put up with. But when you are picking out silly little niggles about every single person you go on a date with, simply to get onto the next potential date, then this becomes addictive behaviour.

What do to if you are addicted to online dating

If you are worried that you might be addicted to online dating then perhaps you should take a break and spend some time offline for a while. Go out with your real friends and enjoy their company and leave dating alone for a short period of time.

Remember that dating should be the means to the end, and the end is finding your one true love, not endless options that lead nowhere.